Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
