i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
