If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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