it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
