Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
