it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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