im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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