I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think my moral compass just broke
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
