We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
