He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never underestimate the power of titties
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
