Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Never joke about your clitoris.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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