fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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