I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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