FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize