SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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