Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Randomize
