Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
