Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
