girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
