So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
