Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
