Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
