I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
