you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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