Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
