Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
