Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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