Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
