I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
