I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
