I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
