How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
