super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
