Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
