i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
