He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
