census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
