remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
