she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
