Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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