im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize