I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
