Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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