Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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