You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
