mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
