did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
