my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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