the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry about my life...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
