they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
