I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
