i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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