She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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