You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
