So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
