He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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